That said, they could work.  I can say so with confidence because it's working for me right now in my house!  Granted my son is older and his incentives are about doing homework, piano practice, and being nice to his sister.

Here's my advice: 

make your incentive small and immediate - if you stay in your room until 6am (for example) you can have a treat at breakfast, a special surprise ... pancakes with Hershey kisses?  A new creature from a creature tube?  A temporary tattoo?
do not threaten to take away anything in the heat of the moment because you probably will not be able to stick to it in the morning.
make sure that your prize isn't too hard to earn or too conceptual - sometimes a trip to the toy store doesn't make as much sense to your child as you think it might.  
put some prizes in some sort of see through container that can visually motivate your child.  Tell them they can pick a prize if they successfully complete their sleep challenge.

Finally - make your sleep challenge or goal realistic for your sleeper.  If he wakes up every day at 5:30, make his goal to stay in his room until 5:45, then move it to 6 and so on.  Or if you want to teach a rest time, start with 10 minutes a day and then go from there.

One last little nugget of advice.  Make sure that the comforts of you and/or the entertainment that you offer in the early morning isn't too much of an incentive for your sleeper to wake early.  If playing games, watching tv, or having yummy snacks is your go to plan to survive until a respectable hour, then you might want to make the early morning less fun.

This crib sheet is dedicated to those of you who are trying desprately to change something ... to spring forward and tackle a sleep challenge that has been beating you up all winter.

If you are trying to change early rising ... embrace this new time change, but remember move your naps and your meals too, shift the whole day.  Use the daylight to adjust your child's clock - get him out in the fresh air and sunshine (hopefully) to set these new patterns.

If you are trying to change naps ... think carefully about where you want your baby/toddler to nap and teach them how to nap there, figure out the best awake interval, and tackle one nap a day offering a back up or emergency nap for the non training naps.  That said, if you rock - hold to sleep and want to teach crib napping then avoid rocking and holding for naps that are not going well.  You also should not rescue your napper just because his nap in the crib was too short.  By this I mean don't run in when he wakes, pick him up and rock him back to sleep.

If you have a baby or toddler in your bed, and you are ready to move them to their own bed or crib, then consider the following:

• Are you really ready, 100% ready, so that you can respond calmly with conviction that you support this chage.
• Will your toddler understand this switch?  If so, go for it!  He will still protest, but at least he undersands what you are doing and why (you can tell him).
• Is your sleeper too young to understand stay in your bed all night (under 2/2.5 years usually), then come up with a good way to keep her safe and secure in her room or keep her in the crib until she gets it.

If you are trying to change your bedtime routine, make it calmer, more efficient, then think about what you dread the most.  Bathtime?  Move it to an earlier time, even before dinner.  Endless books?  Earlier in the day, before dinner ideally, choose the 3 books you plan to read at bedtime, but them in a special place and only read those books, no  matter what.

Finally whatever change you are working on, tell a friend, tell your partner, get some moral support and maybe some good advice.  Create accountability for this project.

Just think once you are finished cleaning up sleep in your house, you will have so much more energy to devote to other spring cleaning projects (taxes, files, drawers, garages, baby clothes....).

Good luck!

1. If you want your son or daughter to sleep through the night, then you need to help them learn at bedtime ... not at 1 in the morning (for the first time).  No one likes that kind of surprise, especially a baby or a toddler.

2. You don't need to cry it out, but you do need to be consistent and confident.  Whatever approach you try, do it consistently for at least 3 nights - and start at bedtime!

3.  Naps and nighttime are apples and oranges - work on bedtime first and hold your baby and get cozy for naps.  Let them sleep during the day so they will be ready and feeling less frazzled at bedtime.  You also will feel better if you didn't listen to a crying baby all day.

4. Don't let your mother, sister, brother-in-law, babysitter (or your best friend) tell you what to do about sleep - do what feels right for you and your sleeper.

5. Travel with reminders of home for your sleeper - bring the white noise, the sheet (if you can), the lovey, and so on.  Offer naps on the go and offer your sleeper a little more support if she needs it.  This isn't a regression; this is a vacation (HA!*)

6. If you have a very strong feed to sleep association that you need to change, then use your partner or a beloved family member or babysitter, and let them teach your baby a new way to go to sleep.  It will take about 3 nights, and you will be amazed by your sleeper's new skills.

7. Finally, give yourself a break, accept and love the 'mess'.  My uncle Dini calls it, 'x-mess'.  The New Year is right around the corner, and who doesn't love a good resolution?

*travel with children is a trip, not a vacation, to clarify

I have learned both personally and professionally that there are a few ways to handle this extra fun sleep challenge.  Who doesn't love a good ol' sleep challenge to test your wits and patience.  

1. Be proactive -

If your sleeper is under 3, shift bedtime and naps ahead in small increments - 15 minutes usually works - over the course of 3 to 5 days.  You can spread it out over a week if you want.  You might spend a few days with a 1:15 nap before you shift to a 1:30 nap, but your goal is to get to the full hour before Sunday at 2am.

If your sleeper is 3 and up, you can shift the day forward in a bigger increment over the course of just a few days, maybe 20 minutes one day, 30  minutes the next and then boom the full hour in time for the change.

2. Thought I would be proactive this year, but never got around to it (usually my case)

• Do what you were going to do above but do it over the course of 3 days after the time change, small shifts to the new time, bigger shifts for your older child. 
• Embrace the chaos, move right to the new time, the days and wake ups will be bumpy but you will get there after 3 days or so.  Follow the suggestions below about moving eating schedules and light and sunshine to ease the transition.

The key to working ahead of the game is to shift meals too.  The easiest way to shift a sleep schedule is to shift an eating schedule at the same time.  

If your sleeper is up early keep the lights off or low until the 'morning' and then use light to cue the daytime and get outside into the sun as much as possible during awake times.

He's right.  These books of course make me think about the great family sleep you get on such a journey on the Prairie from the long, slow, rocking of the wagon luring Baby Carrie to sleep to the warm fire and sounds of Pa's fiddle sending the big girls off into sweet dreams, night after night.  Besides if you are a toddler transitioning to a big girl bed then why would you ever leave your nice heavy blankets and cozy spot next to your sister, especially if the fire is out, there is frost on the floor, and there are wolves howling outside?  

My youngest sleeper is 3 now, and I have been spending a lot of time thinking about discipline as she hits and kicks whenever I dare take her to the bathroom, she hits and kicks whenever she is the car for too long, and just generally hits and kicks when life doesn't go her way.  She has great language skills and loves to share her thoughts, except when she's angry.  In my hope to help her - her siblings, and selfishly, me - I have once again returned to the Ingalls family and their guide for Prairie travel as well as parenting.  

Here are my two fundamental questions to Ma an Pa Ingalls and in italics how they might respond*:

- Why do your daughters listen to you? 

They listen to us because we keep them safe.  Our rules aren't just about being polite and being respectful; they are about staying healthy and alive.  Feeling safe in a family is really important to a child - whether it's literally keeping the wolves out - or being kind and thoughtful to a sibling.

- Why are your daughters such good sleepers?

They are physically exhausted.  Your kids would be too if they had tasks that kept their bodies moving all day too.  They also have great wind down routines to cue the end of the day.  We give them heavy blankets that trigger a calming effect - the same idea of swaddling a baby.  Finally we don't make getting out of bed alluring.  Outside the warm, safe, bed, it is cold, dark and most importantly boring.

- Pa, how do you find time to play the fiddle after such a long day?

I think it is important to show my children my interests and talents  I also like ending the day spending time together that is calming rather than exhilarating.  It works for all of us!

I am going to try to channel my innner Pa Ingalls and get Loewy to ease up on the hitting, hopefully your future bedtimes will be a little less fraught.

*I can't help but assume the voices of Ma and Pa.  I have been reading these books for 2 years, and they are very much a part of my parenting fabric for now.  It's either them or Percy Jackson (Alistair's favorite) or Toot and Puddle (Loewy's favorite). 

My (insert age) was outside all day, playing, rolling, running, climbing, and more.  He had a great dinner, a calm bath, and now instead of acting sleepy is super animated and showing no signs of being tired.  

For young children, missing the sleep window is a big deal.  In fact, the probability of bedtime quickly fades and is replaced with a mini-version of the London Olympics in your living room.  For older children, missing the sleepy window is very much connected to missing the chance to truly wind down from the day.  You might not get physical hysterics.  Instead, you might find yourself dealing with bedtime anxiety.    

I have named these scenarios the sleepy jitters, and I find this combination both paradoxical and very frustrating.  Your 4 month old should have been asleep hours ago or your 7 year old has to get some sleep because he has to wake up by 7 to catch the bus and pay attention in school all day and more.  In both cases, you know what they need and in both cases you need to be proactive rather than reactive to avoid this mixed bag of anxious/energy filled jitters at bedtime. 

Here are a few tips for young sleepers ...

• Pick a bedtime based on the nap schedule of your sleeper.  You should pick an age appropriate 'awake' window between the last nap and bedtime.  For example, a 10 month old, can probably go about 4 hours between the end of his last nap and bedtime (if he had two good naps that day).  A 6 month old baby will have a 2 to 3 hour widow, and a 22 month old might have a stretch closer to 5 hours.  These are just guidelines and examples from families I have worked with recently.  Observe your sleeper and design your own 'awake' window, you can always adjust.
• Do not start your routine when your sleeper is tired because by the time you are finished she will be over tired.
• Allow plenty of physical contact in the pre-bedtime hour or so.  It settles a young body for sleep and reaffirms a secure attachment.
• If you were gone all day and want to spend time with your child before bed, do so keeping in mind the quality vs. quantity approach.  Attachment theorists have said that even 20 solid minutes a day between parent and baby solidifies the attachment.

Here are a few tips for older sleepers (who worry, get anxious, and struggle to fall asleep):

• No screens at least an hour before bed, ideally more.
• A good long bath even for an older child is very calming, restorative and a great addition to a bedtime routine.
• Tight hugs, pressure orientated touch.
• No rich, caffeine filled, or sugary desserts after dinner.  Instead offer a treat after school and something a little more sedate after dinner.
• End your routine with a happy story about your little sleeper.
• Introduce a family photo book featuring joyful memories (not pictures of everyone at Grandma's funeral).
• Address what is making them nervous, let them talk about it and process it out loud.  Validate your sleeper's feelings and then put a sleep friendly plan of action into place.
• Introduce a worry doll or pillow to tuck anxiety away for the night.  I just found out about hushlings and think they are a great idea!

So as summer wraps up and back to school begins, hope these tips help de-stress bedtime and make going to sleep a little more sleepy -

I am usually pretty private when it comes to religion and spirituality, but I must admit I have prayed to the sleep gods on more than one occasion.  I do think 90% of sleep for children is behavioral, 5% medical (reflux, sleep apnea), and 5% luck.  In my work, I rarely meet great sleepers.  I meet a lot of children who eventually become great sleepers, but that is from hard work, persistence, and consistency - not magic.  I do feel though that there are some children who just naturally are really good at sleeping.  Usually these babies have large PR firms behind them because it seems like everyone has a sister, a friend, a neighbor, somebody, with an aaaaahhhhmazzzzing sleeper.  You hear about them everywhere.  

As for naps, if you are already praying hard or really crossing your fingers, here are three tips that will help too:

1. Time it right, and try to get these times to repeat on a daily basis.  It helps to have the first morning naps begin no earlier than 8 am (for the 4 month old plus set).  It also helps to shoot for an afternoon nap between 1 and 2 pm (a time of quiet brain activity).  Keep the windows between naps in control - ideally about 90 to 120 minutes - for the 4 to 6+ month olds out there.

2. If your baby needs you to rock, bounce, nurse, jiggle, etc. her to sleep, then she will need that same treatment when she wakes up a short time later.  This would be ok, but a good nap is usually 2 sleep cycles (90 minutes total).  This means a lot of work not always with certain success.  When your baby can run her own nap, she will nap longer and in more predicable time frames.

3. Be prepared for the nap hurdles.  These are the same annoying hiccups that disrupt nighttime sleep - milestones, teeth, illness, travel.  You might need to help your baby a little bit more.  It also really helps to have a back up or 'emergency' nap plan in place.  I had to implement my back up nap plan quite a bit with my middle daughter.  As a result, I know every drive through coffee place and atm in the tri-state area.

Hope these tips help and that luck is on your side.

I didn't expect that pregnant for only a few weeks with my first child, I would be diving into a frigid coastal Maine river to rescue our old dog who got spooked off of the path by a squirrel.  I didn't expect that my first born would spend a week in the NICU at St. Lukes for a rash; I didn't expect that my 2-year old would go truly mental when my daughter was born (we are still recovering from that one); and I didn't expect that I would be a children's sleep coach when sleep was for so many years to bane of my existence.  Perhaps that's why I am passionate (ummm, more like obsessed) with children and their families sleeping as well as they possibly can.  

Yes, it is true, my life is no longer about me - I can prove this argument with the sheer amount of unexpected factors in my life that force me to turn my attention to my family as a whole and not to my own needs and desires.  I realize that when I am changing a diaper and I have needed to pee for 6 hours and still haven't had a moment to go.  I realize that when I pull amazing recipes from the NY Times or Bon Appetit but end up eating way more nuggets and cucumbers than I ever expected.  Do you realize that you will probably eat more pizza in your first 5 years of being a parent that you did over all of the years of possible pizza eating before children?

The point of all of this is that to feel better about this new and seemingly permanent condition, I have decided to embrace expecting the unexpected.  In doing so, I can find order and rationality in the very relentless yet rewarding irrational world of parenting.

Here are a few tips with regards to sleep so you can plan for and anticipate the unexpected because it will happen:

1. Your child will climb out of the crib or fall of the bed long before you are prepared for this event - drop the mattress all the way down, put the mattress on the floor, teach them that 'we do not climb in cribs', or put them in a sleep suit or pajamas that restricts their climbing.

2. You so dodged that stomach virus bullet ... oh wait you didn't ... have a change or sheets ready, or any in case of emergency crib vomit plan.  A friend of mine always has two layers on her son's crib - mattress pad, sheet + mattress pad, sheet.

3.  Your perfect two nap a day sleeper stops napping or stages a pretty intense protest - look at windows of time and see if the naps need to shift later, be cut shorter, or call for a longer wind down period.  When my youngest turned 2, she fought her nap hard for 3 weeks straight.  I kept at it, and she is upstairs napping happily while I write this.  Win for Mommy.

4. She was fine during the day, but now she has coxsackie or an ear infection or some other awful, truly, truly awful sleep destroyer - know how much motrin or tylenol she needs, have a thermometer that works, and have the medicine in stock in your house.

5. Embrace a few bad nights - they happen.  It doesn't mean that you failed or are failing.  If you worry that you are creating a sleep monster, take a step back, get some goals together and formulate a plan that you can stick with.  

Finally I would like to dedicate this piece to my beautiful sister in law Robin who in the final weeks of her pregnancy is dealing with the unexpected with grace and unparalleled strength.  I can't wait to meet her sweet, sweet baby. 

In the end, we all share the common task as parents, we need to get our baby, our toddler, our 1st grader ready for bed, pretty much every night.  We read, brush teeth, bathe, bottle, massage, sing, nurse, pacify, and more.  It is a lot of work, and I get pretty sick of it some nights.  Actually, I keep pausing to write this, because we are away for the weekend and the novelty of the new room is a little too stimulating for two sisters, and I keep hearing cries for me.  

I have finally become resigned to my fate - or maybe I gave up long ago, but I have decided to shift some of the bedtime routine to my respective sleepers.  I don't mean that they will have to file up the stairs singing so long fare well like the well behaved Von Trapp children.  Rather I need to think, and you can too: how can they do a little self-soothing to prepare for sleep with parental guidance rather than direct involvement.  

Here are some of my ideas based on recent experiences with clients:

1. Do you have a baby or toddler who loves the bath? Let them swim!  Sign them up for swim class during the day, take them for a dip at a neighborhood pool, or find a kid friendly fountain (Natural History museum anyone?).  This doesn't have to happen before bedtime, just some point in the day.  If you can't swing a day swim trip, do a big play bath.  Also don't start the bath when your baby is melting down.  Try to time it a full hour before bedtime.

2.  Heavy lifting - babies and toddlers are furiously working on understanding their bodies and how they work.  Let them push furniture, carts, piles of toys, and so on.  They like to feel weight and the success of using their bodies to alter their landscape.  

3. Let a baby/toddler/even older child carry a task out to fruition.  Think how good you feel when you get something accomplished - like bedtime:)  If your toddler is working through a puzzle or a block tower, let him complete his task.  If your baby desparetely wants to roll, practice, practice, practice, helping her to realize her goal.

4. Figure out and respect independent self-soothing skills, from head pushing, pressure seeking activities, to the need to roll around and thrash around in the crib.  Let these sleepers scratch their itch so to speak.

5. Create a womb-like environment as you prepare for bedtime, give your child pressure on both sides of his body, sandwich him in between you and the arm of a chair, or between you and a pillow.  Give his body pressure as you carry out your routine tasks.  Diapering, teeth, bottle and so on, can be supplemented with strong consistent pressure, pats, squeezes to help your baby unwind.  

6.  Last but not least, work with your child's sleepy cues.  If he is tired, but his bedtime is 30 minutes away.  Go with the tired not the clock; it usually is a win win answer every time.

Keep your eyes on your sleepers, they often have good instincts ... they just need a little independence.  

It sounds so good when I say it.  It makes so much sense.  I bring up the pigeon intermittent reinforcement scenario too - another great visual, pigeons freaking out when sometimes they get food, sometimes they don't.  You then picture your child/baby like a pigeon waiting for food - they got it yesterday, but not tonight?

It all comes down to consistency.  I know that I can get behind consistency.  I use it in my work; I use it in my personal life.  My middle child knows that not eating dinner means no dessert ... ever.  I am really good about being consistent in this regard.  

Meet Loewy.  She is, as we like to call her, the good one.  She asks to go to sleep, she cleans up, she eats her meals, her snacks, finds fun in errands with mommy, tolerates babysitters, brother's baseball games, sister's playdates.  Everything was going swimmingly, until Loewy met the ipad.

I purchased the ipad for work.  Yes, that's right federal and state government.  I use it for work.  First I have to wipe the smudges up and clean the screen before I can share with clients the 5 factors that keep babies from sleeping well.   It all goes back to when Loewy met Elmo, and then she met the ipad, and then I read a great NYTimes article about great apps for kids.  

So now, Loewy meets Elmo, she meets the ipad, she meets Elmo on the ipad ... and here is where we have our problem.

My sweet Loewy used to wake up, calling softly, "Mommy, I miss you."  How sweet is that?  Now, however, she wakes up and calls, "Mommy, ipad."  Not as sweet.  

Here is where the problem of consistency or rather inconsistency gets started: Sunday morning = ok to use the ipad, Monday morning = not ok to use the ipad, Wednesday? Mommy's very sleepy, = ok to use the ipad.  How does Loewy react?  Like that pigeon!  I have trained her to freak out - a crazy, pigeon-esque freak out, because she knows that somehow, some way, she will eventually get it.

Ok, I know, this is so my fault, and truly inexusable.  I am like a dermatologist who frequents a tanning bed.  It is high time I practice what I preach.  

We started this weekend (so unfair, I was really tired).  Morning 1 - lots of cyring, whining, finally ok with books, moring 2 - lots of crying and whining, chucked books at cat, hit Daddy (nicely played), morning 3?  Not as bad, we read Marvin K. Mooney and Dinosaur Train, and then it was time to get up anyway.  I am gearing up for morning 4; the books are ready.  The ipad will be charging ... far away.